then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
