Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize