I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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