I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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