thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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