i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
