Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
