Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
