Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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