He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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