Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
