You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
