so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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