Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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