Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
