So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
