Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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