he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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