i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm sobbing to NWA
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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