pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
