All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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