8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
i've created a new STD.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
