Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
