You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize