I think i peed on brittanys purse
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Let's get the cat blown out
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
