if only i could text you this smell
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
