So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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