drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
