Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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