Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
