you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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