i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
