I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
