Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
