but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i've created a new STD.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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