Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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