Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
