does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
