You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize