my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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