You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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