Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize