Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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