sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
