So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize