and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
