hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
