Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
