its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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