Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize