problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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