at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
