i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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