I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
