he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
