I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
