I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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