the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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