Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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