so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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