Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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