he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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