ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
