Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
